Tarun Jacob - LIFE'S A JOURNEY NOT A DESTINATION

2009 - To reminisce..

2009-09-06T22:11:00.009+05:30

There are few times in life when you need to reminisce "Wow! did we really do that?" / or "were we really in such a situation?", and a wedding anniversary is such a time. Today Anne and I complete 6 years of being madly in love with one another!... no sorry, that would be for a much longer time - but its 6 years since we officially tied the noose... and as we sat to prayer tonight our hearts were filled with a wonder and gratitude to God for another year possible together.

I thought that now would be a good time

to update the Blog. People still keep contacting me through this wonderful instrument - but to update once in a while and let you all know that all is well, is something I must do.

The blog has seen no new post for nearly a year - we are now in Oddanchatram. In the Christian Fellowship hospital, also called CFH, ODC. The hospital is based in a small village that is built mainly along a single main road, is about a kilometer from end to end and has a this hospital nearly in the center. The closest large towns are Madurai and Coimbatore - each about 2 hours away. There are about 300 beds and we have most medical care in terms of physicians and surgical work possible. There are no frills attached and this is a place that really caters to the poorest to lower middle class patients. I have spoken of Dr Tharien - the founder, in an earlier post.

Anne and I are here as the department of Surgery had a need for a surgeon and so we placed our Orissa plans on hold till we tide over that need. Koby has started going to school here - he is in Kindergarden and enjoys a full day at school. He is growing fast and is a real blessing in our lives.

Work is busy and I am gaining valuable opportunities to broaden my surgical expertise -some pretty exotic operations and endoscopic work that I would never have attempted in a larger center with the appropriate specialists. Here most patients here will refuse to move on to a higher center - or can simply not afford it. God has been with us in this place and we place every new challenge before him in prayer!

By God's grace, my health has never been better - I am able to scuttle around 24 x 7 for emergencies and the surgical routine without any problems. In fact, I have to remind myself that I am now 4 years post NHL and need to get my follow up's done when I get back to Vellore!

Anne and Koby are doing well - lot's of friends for Koby and school poses enough to keep him busy and out of trouble. A picture of us swimming in a nearby dam - on a picnic with friends from the hospital.

God has been with us as before in the past year and we do testify to that. We have had the hill and valley experiences as usual - but all with the hand that sustains beside us.

A major MILESTONE on the journey....

2008-11-10T23:24:00.009+05:30

November 10, 2008 GRADUATION DAY, CMC Vellore.
Three Cheers for the Silver and Blue!!

Today - I have been given the Degree of Master of General Surgery (M.S. Surgery) by my Alma Mater. It's a HUGE deal. It's not so much the achievement or the relief of being done with a major part of my education - it's the disbelief that I could walk onto stage and walk off having received the accreditation that I have satisfactorily completed my training.
When I started to write this blog, I was uncertain of so much..... questions and doubts were always on my mind - would I complete chemo? what about the radiation? Costs of treatment? what would happen to the baby we were expecting in all this chaos?....My mind kept me busy enough to push finishing my training to an obscure spot maybe in the background - living seemed a priority over the learning!! I took time off (6 months) my course to be treated and it was done in the faith that I would get back to training some day..... I remember sitting after my shots of Vincristine (a chemo drug), my fingers numb and devoid of sensation (a side effect that can be permanent) - banging the keys of the computer as I blogged- without a tactile feedback and silently wondered if the side effects of lost sensation of my chemo, would wear off and let me get back to feeling human tissue as I would cut it...... Today I have my sense of touch as good if not better as the day I started my training...
As I graduate, and look at the 'plot' of the past 3 years- I realize what insignificant a role I play in the list of credits - 'I' actually play the smallest role in putting me on that graduation stage..... My family has undoubtedly been my strength and fuel. Anne, My parents, Anne's parents, Tripti and Santosh, Cherry were so much like solid anchors that I never felt tossed around as the waves hit. My God has, without doubt been my boat. I have had the comfort of feeling his security as I travelled this journey.
As I share this milestone with the world - I really hope that it can be an inspiration that there is NO IMPOSSIBLE, with our creator. The Lymphoma I had could be beaten and similarly I feel the problems that we all face can be challenged. It's just a question of believing, hanging on for the ride and not quitting early on.
Love from Tarun, Anne and Koby.

What's in the crystal ball?

2008-10-12T15:37:00.029+05:30

I am aware that this post is 9 months after my last. However this blog has never slipped my mind. That's an amazing thing about blogsphere in that over the past 9 months - even though I have not written anything in - people continue to mail in to check how I am doing or let me know that they are in CMC and need a boost of morale. But hey - as Cherry (my brother in Law) reminded me lately "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required..,Luke 12:48)" What is happening in the Tarun Jacob family?? Well, I have just completed my exams - (in addendum... and passed.) I have joined the surgical endocrine unit in CMC till Anne finishes her exams. The pain of the 'sit and cram' is over for the moment. Though it's difficult to believe. Anne has 6 months more to go for her Obstetric course to be completed - and has completed her thesis submission and just has the exams left in March / April. Koby is two and a half now, going to school and as naughty as anyone that age could possibly be. He makes each day worthwhile - and though he often behaves as though the world revolved around him, he would be surprised to know how close to the truth that is for Anne and me. He is a miracle that was born in such a period of uncertainty that he reminds us every day that a rose can spring forth from ashes! The reason I have blogged now is to say that I've peeked into the crystal ball of our future. I just made a trip to Baripada, Orissa to visit the Graham Stain's Memorial Hospital and had an idea of what the future has in store for us. God willing we will go there after Anne finishes her course - and work in that hospital. Baripada is north Orissa, and boarders the states of West Bengal (Midnapore) and Jharkand. The place is incredibly beautiful and green - and the closest station is Balasore - that is on the coast (60Km) away. The roads are not really great in some places and resembles the surface of the moon with its craters and sand. There is a lot of malaria in the area and the hospital lab technician prides himself in being able to pick up cases from the blood tests each day.
The trip from Vellore took over 26 hours - by train. There was good weather during my stay, even though it was the monsoon season. The hospital a little over 10 beds for in patients. There were only 2 admitted when I visited (one a small child with multi-drug resistant malaria!). The picture alongside shows the hospital compound, with the hospital to the far right and in the left is a baptist church within the same compound. The hospital has a simple staffing structure. 2 doctors (Dani and Dheeraj). Dani has been there for about 5 years now and has recently been joined by his wife Baamini. A single lab tech, Medical record keeper, store keeper and 4 nurses keep the medical work moving along smoothly. They have not ventured into accepting surgical cases or deliveries. Anne and I will do that, once we get there. There is a simple operation theater room and a delivery room. These need a bit more funds and equipment to become operational, but the point is that there is great potential there. The hospital lies in the first floor, while the residential area is in the floor above. There is a need for a little more building - but funds are limited and there is a general difficulty to get funds for residential buildings. A pity though that's reality as things stand. There are sister concerns in Leprosy home, rehabilitation and a boys hostel. The Leprosy home is home to many inmates who do small farm work on the campus land and at various small scale projects and make an income for themselves. Graham Stains family did an incredible ministry there, his care for those affected by leprosy showed in so many little ways around the compound. There is a patient who has mastered making Micro cellular rubber (MCR) footwear, and others with gardening, skills etc. There are groups (pic to the right) who make grass based bags, place- mats,floor mats etc. The self sufficiency and renewed purpose in these lives is commendable. There is a lot of aspects that I can help out surgically with - Leprosy patients tend to get claw deformities of their digits and bad infections on their feet, because of the decreased sensation. Another compound of the mission is a boys home - about 21 boys till grade 6 live there and go to the local government school. The live and study in the home. Their parents support them as far as they can - they study and live in the home. The picture alongside is a few of them, the rest had gone home for the short Puja holiday.
The team at the hospital shown below. So.. I am glad I made the trip this time. I went to a school that Koby can potentially go to - an ICSE school, about 5 km away. We met the principal, I am quite relieved that schooling will not be an issue. The entire trip left me at peace and itching to go get started! There is a great challenge ahead of us - and with God's help and wisdom I'm sure we can face it.
So whats in the crystal ball?..... as I look, I see what's always been there - that we sometimes fail to see.... A promise that God's along with us as we take the journey of life.

2 years past and doing great!

2008-01-15T12:55:00.000+05:30

It's been nearly a year since I had last written. Koby is going to be 2 years old in a few months and it also marks a land mark for me -post treatment 2 years and going strong by Gods grace.
The snap above is one taken of the family this Christmas. Koby in his Chinese costume my aunt in Singapore had sent down for him. Santosh and Tripti now together in Vellore as he works in CHAD, CMC.
My General Surgery post graduation course is nearly over - I am done with the surgery part, but need to mop up some time due in 'peripheral posting' i.e Orthopedics and Neurosurgery that I missed during my course due to chemo time. I write exams in September and with that hope to be done with studies for a while.
Anne has a year left and will complete her training in gynecology and Obstetrics in march 2009. Koby as you can see alongside, has grown faster than we could imagine! He is talking nineteen to a dozen now and has a whole bunch of friends to play with in the building we stay. He spends some of his weekends in parents house - where he is spoilt rotten by his grandparents and enjoys goofing around with Santo acchachan and Peepi (Tripti) ammama.

It has been a really good 2 years of being well. There have been the occasional scares and checks, but God has seen us through. The good parts of these 2 years have been the friends made -patients that have come through this hospital, read the Blog and got in touch. Anne and I lost a good friend too in this time, due to lymphoma having spread pretty badly to his brain and rest of his body. But in all out friendships we hope that we have instilled a sense of purpose and a encouragement. God has made our lives examples that show that he is the light of the world. The bad part's of this time was some scary nodes that cropped up in my axilla - one minor surgery later, we were reassured that they were not tumour and not significant!
Anne and I are reminded every day as we spend precious moments with our Son, how God has gifted us a second chance. And I doubt that second chances are to be wasted in feeling sorry about one's self or worried about how long it will last, but to savor the fragrance of the moment and look in gratitude to the giver.

Koby is a year old

2007-04-14T00:52:00.000+05:30

There are many things that we can be grateful to God for, and this week as Koby turned a year old - Anne and I thanked God for a list of things. This was no short simple list- it started from me being able to celebrate this occasion with the family, the joy that Koby brings us every day and the support we have from our parents and siblings that we are so crippled without!

Koby was oblivious to the fact that there was a whole lot of fuss being made about him. He just enjoyed the attention that he was given with his usual two tooth grin.

We started his birthday celebrations in church on Easter day. Annes parents were here and Cherry as well. Tripti and Santosh were in Manipal on Sunday as Santosh finished and passed his final exams.

Koby went up during the birthday announcement - but was fast asleep and Anne received his card for him. We had a special lunch after that - Koby was dressed for the occasion in a juba and dothi.

We had another cake and party when Tripti and Santosh got back on Wednesday. Koby was thrilled by his red car cake and ate a fair amount of it.

Our little boy is growing up fast. God has been just so good in our lives and Koby is the best example.

The Surgical resident

2007-02-04T05:50:00.000+05:30

Over the last few months, I have been neck deep in work. Our Surgical departments work with a single resident for 4 months in a year, during the time our final year residents go on study leave and the new first year residents join in March. Which means we are on call every day for a 4 month stretch.
Life is actually good over these months in terms of a learning curve, where a lot of responsibility is given to us and our decision making skills are sharpened. One does wish there was more time to spare, but with so much to operate and so much to learn, there is really no room to complain.
I was prompted to publish again after getting to meet up with an interesting chap called Tanweer. He has exactly the same lymphoma as I did and his symptoms were similar too! He is currently on MACOP-B + Rituxan and his wife joins him in Vellore today on their anniversary. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. They too have a young son. Tanweer keeps a blog too, but his was from well before his chemo - it makes interesting reading . Link up here. I had mentally decided that my blog had done it's job and it was time to quit. I guess it's worthwhile keeping the chronicles going for people to realize that the life after Chemo is just as it was before - it's just a matter of holding onto the roller coaster tight enough to get through the ride as well as to keep your eyes open to enjoy the trip.

Koby is growing up by the minute! It's just like any time spent with him is not enough time spent. His latest favorite is a game of peek a boo! Being busy in the wards does mean that I get less time to be with him. But it's not all that bad, living on the campus means I can pop in and out whenever and we are blessed with good house help- who look after him like a little prince.

I met up with Dr. Mammen with my test results and he said there was no logic in repeating PET scans regularly. I need to do just chest X rays and a thyroid function test to make sure the radiation had not nuked my thyroid gland.

6 months down the road.

2006-12-30T00:02:00.000+05:30

It’s now 12 at night and Anne and Koby have fallen asleep. I was fairly sure I’d never open my blog again to make a new post, but something made me write today…. It’s now 6 months since I had been declared tumour free and a lot has happened in this time.

It’s been just 3 days since I went for my check up CT scan and was reassured that the lymphoma is gone for good.

Work keeps me busy, I will be the only surgical resident in my unit for the next 3 months as our seniors study for their final exams. Anne is neck deep in her postings as well, with frequent labour room and ward duties.

Koby (baptized – Nathan George Kochukaleekal Jacob) is now a 8 month old bubbly baby who keeps us just waiting to get home. He has slowly started to stand and coasts around on the furniture; he says ta-ta and just loves music. His grandparents always complain that they don’t get enough of him, but then neither do we!

God has continued to be good to us and we know we would not be this happy smiling family if not for his incredible grace.

Hope you all reading have a great new year.

In Conclusion....

2006-06-26T00:09:00.000+05:30

The report of the PET scan reads as follows:
"Considerable reduction in size when compared to the previous imaging, PET-CT findings negative for viable tumour."

I hope that through this blog in the last few months; this chapter in my life has and will continue to give strength and encourage those who feel up against a wall. I would have never made it without so many who held Anne, Koby and me in prayer. God has shown me in so many ways, nearly every day that he looks after the smallest of things.
Thankyou Friends, family and all those around the world who held me up before God in prayer and in their thoughts.
God has given me a second chance at life and I am sure he will do the same for all who find it in them to trust him completely.

This will be my last entry in this Blog. Continue to uphold us in prayer. God bless and goodbye!

In his time, he makes all things beautiful.
Lord please show me everyday as You teach me your way
That You do just what You say, In Your time.

PS- my e-mail ID, will still be active in the future, please get in touch if anyone reading needs anything I can help out with.

To Hydrabad again.

2006-06-23T22:09:00.000+05:30

Tomorrow (24 June) will be the PET scan, I have been waiting for – virtually for the past ?6 months! It’s just a confirmation that things are all right. And it will be.
We leave early tomorrow, morning at about 1 am, and drive to Madras. Catch the flight at about 5 am to Hydrabad. The scan will be early tomorrow morning and we should be able to leave, and catch our flight back at 6 in the evening and be home late night tomorrow.
Tripti and Santosh came over to our place in hospital for dinner tonight. It was great to have them over. The advantage of having two maids (one on loan for a month from Anne’s mum), is that we have great food 24 X 7!
Appa as CMC registrar is busy getting the results ready for the selections this year. He’s been really busy and working hard on this year’s set. He will probably kill me for this picture of him, taken at a completely different time and in a different context– but what the heck – it’s lovely!
There is a picture too, of Tripti with her hair that had been straightened out for their reception in Manipal. I quite like it, and I think it’s a good conclusion to the series of their wedding snaps. Thank you, all who wrote in wishing them well.
When they came over for dinner tonight, Koby welcomed them with a broad smile and promptly peed on both of them (welcome!).
I will close now and go get some shut eye - Looong day ahead!

Reception 2

2006-06-19T20:36:00.000+05:30

So, just to get some words down to the pictures over the last few posts – the reception in Vellore went off really well. Poor Santosh and Tripti were still recovering from the crowds in Mangalore to get swamped by a couple thousand people again would have been a bit taxing. They are still recovering!

The entire reception was planned around our lawn at home, with various stalls for different foods – buffet style (dosai’s of various fillings, mommo’s sevai, cashewnut rava and various deserts). In Vellore a usual reception is a mutton biriyani served on a banana leaf – it’s what I look forward to in a wedding, but Amma was sure that this idea would work – and to say it in a very tail between my legs way ‘she was right!’. All those who came were impressed by the novelty and lay out. In all, it was a good evening for the couple – more importantly. Tripti’s classmates from college were there in full force being their usual boisterous and noisy self. It was great as they added a bit of life to the events. I have a snap here of a few of the “BONE” class.

Anne and I are back to work in full force. I have been posted on Orthopedic lists for these days and Anne is sorting out a lot of thesis and paper reading presentations. Koby has been his usual goo’ boi self!

I fly to Hydrabad this Saturday for my PET scan, it’s 3 months post radiation as of this week(! ya, I can hardly believe it myself), and this scan will be a confirmation that that I am tumour free.

The reception in Bagayam.

2006-06-18T23:21:00.000+05:30

A great day in Mangalore.

2006-06-13T16:28:00.000+05:30

I think wedding ceremonies can be very difficult to sit through, especially if it is your own sister ‘leaving’ home. We are back from Mangalore and Tripti’s wedding was such a lovely event. The Church was picture postcard perfect, there were so many of our family and friends to share in her happiness and she was looking nothing short of stunning! Santosh too was looking really great! I was given the responsibility, or should I say the honor of doing the bible reading – aptly from 1 Corinthians 13.

We had a choir from Vellore, all practiced and may I ready with a choral blessing and a special song. Koby was really well behaved and was absolutely no trouble to his parents. The inconvenience of the Bandh in Kerala, didn’t deter a good number of our family from Kerala from braving it to the wedding, despite having to walk back from stations, because some socially irresponsible people protested rising fuel prices. The clowns who made the most fuss, probably don’t even own vehicles – but that’s life.

Well I have a few photographs attached and will put in a few more as the days go by. Today – Anne and I got back to work and my parents drove back the cars from Mangalore. The reception in Vellore is still to go, this Saturday.

We have a lot to be grateful to God for, during this wedding, most importantly for Santosh – a partner and friend that I am sure Tripti will enjoy life’s roller costar ride with, secondly for a beautiful wedding that just fell into place when there were so many variables, and finally for providing friends and family that love them and have wished them well as they start of their life together.

Tripti's getting married!

2006-06-10T09:47:00.000+05:30

Tripti is getting married this Monday (12 th June). My sister and my best friend, will marry Santosh. It’s a bit difficult to believe that Tripti is getting married, it seems like it was just yesterday that I was stuffing marbles into her mouth, making her be the eternal wicket keeper as we boys played cricket. We stood side by side in Karate, Piano, dance lesions…. We could and can still share anything with each other - Now life has taken it’s natural course and Santosh and she will start off on an incredible journey together. And knowing Santosh, it’s going to be a good one, she is in good hands – I could have wished for nothing better.

Wish them luck Guys, Tripti means a lot to me. My next post will have pictures of the wedding, we leave in a few hours to Mangalore for the wedding, and we have a reception in Vellore next Saturday (17^th).

Anesthesia posting is going off well, and I am learning as well as polishing up on my skills. Koby still has us up at night, and now that Anne’s leave is over and she has to get to work the next day, we are a bit stretched. I’ve not blogged in ages! Will write in with details of the wedding. A smile from Koby to sign off, doesn’t he just make your day?

Zzzz zzzz!

2006-05-31T22:29:00.000+05:30

So, Plastic surgery has come to an end. Tomorrow I start a month of training in anesthesia. What a change from being on the operating side of the table to the non operating side! I was being teased by my Plastic surgery team, that I am going to be ‘passing gas’ for the next month. That not very parliamentary, but you see (for the non medical person) – Anesthetists and surgeons are usually poles apart. Always at a sort of “war”, the surgeon trying to push extra cases into a working day and the anesthetists on the look out for the crafty con man surgeon!

But jokes aside, I think this next month will be a really important one for me, because I need the experience of anesthesia for my hospital in Orissa. When I was a junior doctor in RUHSA, I used to operate cesarean sections by giving the spinal anesthesia myself and then turning the patient over – the team will pray before we start (by which time the spinal fixes) and then we would start the surgery. It was the norm to be surgeon and anesthetist in one, but I have had a bad experience me and I know better training may have prevented it.

The exposure to all these anesthetic gasses can make one really tired – I can just imagine that every evening is going to look like the picture below!

Koby is going to see his first pediatrician tomorrow! – He has a sort of allergic rash over his face and neck. Dr. Valsan was my pediatrician when I was a kid, and now he will look after Koby!

If some of you have missed reading yesterdays comments - my running partner (Pastor Carlos) during my Non Hodgkins time has been declared to be in remission. Thats great news - God has been so good.

Post endoscopy

2006-05-30T16:56:00.000+05:30

The endoscopy was done this morning and by Gods Grace it's normal. The entire exercise was just God's way of telling us that he is still in control and like Anne and I read today in our devotional - God doesn’t do halfway miracles.
The endoscopy as such was quite an uncomfortable experience. I was given some sedation before they started, and am very grateful for it. “The scope has to pass the upper esophageal sphincter” – Dr. Ashok Chacko (Head of gastro enterology) told me, “and once you help me by swallowing past that I will look after the rest.” Aaagh, it was uncomfortable, and I kept puking through it (thankfully I was on an empty stomach). I think I struggled a bit more than normal so they gave me a bit more of sedation. In the end, I was so sedated, that I can’t remember how it ended. The reports as I mentioned earlier are normal, no sinister cause for the bleed – most probably a little tear that caused it while I was retching on Sunday.

I slept the entire morning through and woke up for a late lunch. Amma is back from Singapore, and Anne, Koby and I drove home to see her. She has brought a whole lot of goodies for us. Koby as usual is the most spoilt of the lot!

Back to work tomorrow, it will be last day in plastic surgery and from next month I join Anesthesia for my next short posting. That will be something to look forward to!

Just another Manic monday!

2006-05-29T21:33:00.000+05:30

It's Just another manic monday
Wish it were a Sunday
Coz that's my fun day!

Today was a busy day in theatre and I am on call again. The planned operation for today was cancelled for some unforeseen circumstance, but we were fairly busy with some new cases posted on the list. A young man smashed his face in after falling off his bike and needed a couple of plates to fix his broken jaw back together. The sad thing was he was drunk and drove. The majority of the trauma we see are people off two wheelers under alcoholic influence.

Anne cut Koby’s hair today. He’s really looking cute with his new hair cut. I was beginning to feel really J of his nice thick black hair. She snipped a small bit and has kept it to put into our baby book – I has a step by step detailed list of things Koby went through since birth.

We had a few visitors home this evening – my classmates from school – Sushil, Jey and Balaji dropped in to visit. It was a nice get together. Sushil is just back from Australia and will soon be in LSE for further studies. He is the only one from my school class that became a lawyer. He’s cut his hair real short – wish I had my camera then, I could have put the pic of all of us up for the benefit of our school class readers.

I am going in for an endoscopy tomorrow. I vomited a bit of blood on Sunday and Dr. Alok feels it’s better to get a look inside to make sure that there is no real sinister cause for the bleed (radiation or ulcers), it’s most probably just gastritis – but I can hardly claim I’m stressed out in this posting! But the thought of having a tube shoved down my throat is YUCK! Anyway will keep you all posted.

Better

2006-05-26T21:32:00.000+05:30

I am on duty today, and surprisingly for my rotten luck, it’s been quite an uneventful duty so far. Touch wood.

Anne is busy watching India get clobbered in the cricket match on TV; I care a hoot for cricket and am hardly bothered if there is a game on or not. Koby has no choice and has his face looking wide eyed at the tube light, sitting in Anne’s arms. He is so much better today; he has settled down and is moving his injected leg about – Thank God! There has hardly been any fever and he is his old cheerful self again.

Appa, who is in charge of the CMC entrance exams as the registrar – has been really busy for the past few days. The exams were over today and by Gods grace have gone off well. The co-ordination of any exam centers and examiners is not an easy task.

My pictures are not loading up today, well – will send some later! My new internet connection is dial up for the moment –I have given up my last broadband for a dial up thats much slower but loads cheaper! Hope to sort out a new broadband soon.

Andrew Lloyd Webber for the night.

2006-05-25T22:03:00.000+05:30

It was time for Koby's 6 weeks shots today. He is REALLY irritable, as any parent will recall. It’s incredibly tough for a parent to go through a child’s pain (I’ve mentioned this before). Every time Koby startles in his sleep his swollen leg moves and he howls in pain. AAAAH, I wish I could take his shots instead. He is so exhausted from his crying that he has now literally cried himself to sleep. It’s great to sing him to sleep usually, but today he is in just no mood for the vocals. I’ve been singing Jesus Christ Superstar songs to him, at least the one’s I know fairly well – Lyrics are made up here and there.

Always thought that I’d be an apostle,

Knew that I would make it if I try

Then when we retire, we can write the Gospel

And they will all talk about us when we die!

(sung by the disciples after Jesus dies)

JCS. Rice and Webber.

I’ve been listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber since I was a kid. Appa took us to watch Evita when we were in the UK, as children. Brilliant is hardly the word. These lines from above are so true for everyone. It’s not only the apostles who lived with Jesus who have an epistle to share – it’s each of us. Living with him as a real human being or experiencing him at work in life is fairly the same thing. If I were to keep the stuff I’ve been going through to myself it would be such a selfish shameful waste. Not saying that what I write should be read in church as the Gospels!, but testimonies are to be shared and this blog is mine.

Anne is getting set to get back to work, she is nearly out of maternity leave. It's going to be hard leaving this little gem in someone elses care. God will keep him safe, we are sure.

Settling in to 56 C 1.

2006-05-22T22:25:00.000+05:30

Life is settling down, and we are learning to fending for ourselves. To say that we were doing it alone would be an incredible fib, because we are being supported so much by our families, that I wonder how new parents manage without their parents to help them out.

The child I was talking about in the last post has done well and had a new pretty lip to face the world with. Repetitive trauma to her fingers and toes have caused them to resorb a bit, and since she feels no pain they are still a bit cosmetically unacceptable, but her stay in the ward has also been a place for her to get to know about her disease better and stay out of further harm.

Koby has a steady stream of visitors. My friends Abhilash and Asha are here in this picture. He is still active at night, and this evening we took him out for a small walk with us – till the milk shop. But the little chap slept through the entire walk.

So, what’s happening to me treatment wise, It’s a question, I’ve been getting asked by some on the e-mail and since I have not really been sure – I’ve kept from answering. I had my CT, last month and the results were sort of plus, minus. The mass is down to about 5 cm, that’s down by 3cms after the radiation. That’s good news, but there were doubtful new nodes in the upper chest, which may also be radiated tissue and not nodes. It’s difficult to say now and the PET scan will be the decider. The scan is fixed for the 24^th of next month (June). I will go alone this time – no drive, I will fly to Hydrabad early in the morning and return at night. That’s what I have to expect treatment wise.

Pain!

2006-05-21T11:23:00.000+05:30

It’s the 21^st of May and yes, my birthday presents arrived bang on time. Both Koby and Anne were here on time on the 19^th to celebrate. It was a lovely day. Anne’s mother and a maid from her home are here too. It’s just great to have Koby home. All my carpentry skills came in handy and Anne loved the new home. We still have a lot to fine tune, but our first home is off the ground. I guess it’s such a big step for us.

Koby has fallen in love with a little rattle his grandmother bought him. It gives a sort of musical jingle and it always stops him in the middle of his big cries! This Sunday, Anne and I are just settling in together – sorting out where things go and what sort of schedule to keep. Life has just turned so 180 degrees! Koby, just makes it all worth it! The pictures are from when the family was at our new home on the evening of my birthday. Tripti made and INCREDIBLE, death by chocolate cake, seen in the foreground.

Work is as usual. We have an 8 year old, who is posted for surgery on Monday. She has a disease that makes her insensible to pain. She can not feel any pain, and that is why she is posted for surgery tomorrow. We will never be able to give her ability to sense pain, but we are operating her for its consequences. In her ignorance, she has bitten off her lower lip, poked her eye in so many times that she is blind in one eye and near blind in the other and so on. We are attempting to reconstruct her lower lip tomorrow. Pain is such a nuisance and at times we wonder why we have to bear it, but through this girl, I have realized that it is actually a blessing. I guess the next time I recoil from a cup of tea that’s too hot to hold, I just have to look up and say thanks! And so much so for all that has come to be this year – the pain of chemo, the joy of Koby and family, the expectant hope for Tripti as she sets down the road of a family with Santosh – A look upwards and thanks. This birthday has been special, not because of what I have done over the last 26 years, but for the fact that I have been strengthened and healed through God’s miracle of pain to face and hope for tomorrow.

With Anne and Koby for the weekend

2006-05-13T21:25:00.000+05:30

So, here I am back in Kerala for the weekend, and having a whale of a time with Baby Koby. He has grown so much in a month and looking out at the world with a keen interest. I really doubt he is able to focus too much, but he is a keen observer of sound! I wonder if he remembers all the songs I sang him while he was in Anne's tummy! Here are pictures of him grinning, just before he nodds off to sleep and one with his proud grandparents.
I got a really big package delivered to the department office, yesterday before I left. It’s funny, because it had been bouncing between departments for the past 2 days – the secretaries suspicious of the possible bomb! And refusing to sign for it. I opened it to find a months supply of pampers from Parthi, on my best friends who lives in Africa, it was a laugh! The only “bombs”, will be what Koby creates in them!
Anne and Koby are doing well here; both of them are getting spoilt rotten by her mum. It’s nice to watch Koby enjoy being splashed with water during a bath, bicycle in the air, smile in his sleep; so many things that just make him so special and so much like the miracle that he is!My visit ends tomorrow, and I am back in theatre on Monday (I hope the train is on time). Anne, Koby and Amma will be there in Vellore on the 19th. The house is more or less ready for them; I haven’t brought any pictures of it for them to see, just to keep it in suspense till they reach!
Tonight, I will be on a different kind of duty - Koby is fairly well behaved at night - or so, Anne tells me. I really don't mind, he is more than perfect, and God has given us such a lovely gift in him that at times I wonder if we deserve so much grace. A picture of Koby and me to end with, there is a similar one of my father and me when I was a baby, maybe I should get them side by side!

Blog slacker!

2006-05-12T00:23:00.000+05:30

I am sooo tired… Shifting into a new house, getting it in order and working plastic surgery at the same time can be …..
“‘You are losing it’, ole Chap”–I’m told, by one of my friends who’s been reading this blog regularly and not seen an update in a while. I’m slacking and I can feel it.
It’s true – My page heads with the words – “A guy going through Chemo,” – yeah – that was months ago….and “my life on a day to day basis”….. It’s been a while since I’ve had the luxury of writing every day! I have got to get down to changing my template sometime.
Last night, I crawled into the house at 5.15 am, only to leave at 6.45 again to regular theatre. I was on call and there were so many facial injuries to suture up in the emergency department that it just kept going on and on. It’s election season and the average drunk has a good reason to get sloshed and fall of his bike!! A policeman on election duty came with his face split open, after crashing his jeep into an oncoming lorry. The worst was a 14 year old, who rushed in with his 4th toe (of his foot), neatly wrapped in Ice, but too far crushed and late to re-implant.
I had my first visitor’s home for a meal today, Sabisachi and his wife joined me for a meal tonight. Saby is a fellow NHL patient here (from Calcutta), and we went through Chemo pretty much the same time. I had spent some time with them initially when they came and were worried about chemo, and told them that there was nothing to worry about. Saby has sailed through chemo, and was actually at work in between his chemo courses – he went through CHOP. Through time we have become such good friends that the ‘cancer underground’ will be pleased! His wife Swathi was one of Koby’s first few visitors! They have a twelve year old son, who is his parents pride and joy!
A few weeks ago, I had asked you all to remember Mrs. Chandrika Menon in prayer – a retired nurse, with Leukemia from Coimbatore. Her son in Law had read my blog and we met when they came for treatment here. She passed on to a better place a few days ago, and from the little time I spent with her, I am sure that she would have left so many happy memories with her family through her life. “I have come expecting to see a miracle”, she told me… I only pray she got it.
I leave to Kerala tomorrow, for the weekend. Anne and Koby – here I come!

Cards.

2006-05-07T14:39:00.000+05:30

This Sunday I spent at home at Bagayam; the preparations for Tripti’s wedding are in progress. Wedding cards are probably the most exhausting part – you just keep writing and writing – hoping that you haven’t missed out names!
This is a snap of us at work; Tripti has the nicest handwriting, so she is delegated to the writing, I read and Appa put the cards into the envelopes! Hey, it isn’t as easy as it sounds, OK. We call Anne up in Kerala if we need to know spellings or names of people’s kids!
The picture of three of us is Nirmal, Edward and me, in Madras at Java Green. Nirmal is one of our classmates from school and then Medical College, who just got married a few days ago to Debbie – a German elective student who he met when she came to work in his mission hospital in Allahabad.
Koby and Anne are keeping each other busy. Anne’s dad is out of the country for the next two months, and called to say bye just before he left. I will miss seeing him when I go there this weekend. To end with, a picture that Tripti took in the car. It was on our way back on the drive from Madras. It looks like the sun has set fire to a power cable – Give me Red.

Koby has company!

2006-05-06T21:34:00.000+05:30

Anne's best friend Benny had been over to see Anne and Koby in Kerala. Benny lives fairly close by and she too has had a baby girl just a few months ago. The two mothers have put the two clueless kids together for a great snap! Koby on the right, is blushing scarlet - poor chap! Our classmates from Vellore reading this – here’s a second generation snap for you all!
I'm going over to Kerala, to see them his week end- Hooray!!, I will be there in 6 days, I can hardly wait!
The house is nearly ready - the gas people came over and fit in the gas cylinder. The mattress people came measured, and put new mattresses in place. I have been up for the past few nights, banging holes into the wall to fit up towel racks, plug points, soap and toothbrush holders and the list goes on...
The temperature in Vellore is a bit high, it was 44degrees C. I love the hot weather, but there is nothing Anne hates more. I wonder who Koby will take after. The summer heat reminds me of lazy summer holidays - playing basketball till late, hanging out with friends after school, summer vacations and so on.
Our list on Monday, for plastic Surgery will be tight with a lot of cases to finish within the usual time. I took a sort of class for the department on estimation of burn depth, and talked about various experimental ways to do so. It went off OK, but I miss having broadband internet in the new house (to prepare), I have to get that sorted out soon. Life is easier with Google searches!
So, as I was saying......The house is finally falling into place, the piles of junk are slowly finding a place to stay, I have even put up a painting on the wall - a beautiful oil painting of a village scene. The curtains are ethnic – chosen by Tripti. All that’s left -- is for you to visit?

A new month

2006-05-02T00:01:00.000+05:30

It's a new month, and there is so much new that comes with a new month. A change of posting is one for a start - today I started my Plastic surgery posting. It was actually to be my Thoracic surgery posting this month, but since I spent a year working in cardiothoracic surgery, I have been allowed to do another posting instead. I missed my plastic surgery during the Chemo time, so am making up the time now!
Amma, Tripti and I drove over to Madras over the weekend, to get some wedding shopping done. I was a nice trip, and we got most of what we had scheduled to buy, done. Tripti was keen on a rather different colour for her wedding sari, and so we had a long search for the "right" one. Traditional Indian wedding saris are red or maroon and her Sari is going to be..... well, different. The only tough part of the trip was the heat, it was just incredibly hot, the car’s air con seemed like it was packing up and I had to cover the steering wheel with a hanky, just to hold it- hot!
Anne and Koby are still in Kerala, May 19th and they will be back home - hooray! Anne keeps me updated with latest Koby snaps. Here is one to share with you all.
Amma went crazy in a shop in Madras, meant just for new born’s - she proudly told the shop keeper “If I had more money I would buy all you have in your shop for my new grandson!!” (With all the money she had, she nearly did!). Koby now has a new playpen cum crib to sleep in and loads of clothes and blankets that Amma picked out. Anne's parents too are spoiling Koby rotten, Anne's father has got them an air conditioner to keep Koby from the oppressive May heat. Spoilt brat ! I hope he can live the common life that his father and mother are going to offer him in the new house!