Saturday, December 31, 2005

Red rubber ball


Today is the last day of a year that has changed my life forever. It’s odd to think of what sort of a person I was when say, this year started to what I am today. It’s not just the new Yul Brenner look, or the steroid moon face - I know that I look at life differently now. I think the process of realizing that life can be thrown from being so predictable and comfortable to uncertain and at times frightening is a humbling experience. When 2005 came along, I was in control – (or so I thought) I was calculating how long I would take to finish our post graduations, which mutual funds Anne and I would invest in every month so we would have enough to buy maybe a car/ new computer during the next 2 years, what will we will need to equip ourselves as we went to mission hospital settings. There was a certainty in the planning. Not that I do not plan now too – but the fact is that I, who plan has changed.
What does 2006 hold? Should I dare to look into the crystal ball of my mind and conjure up what to hope for in the new year. Or will I only be reminded that ours is to live the journey in faith and that things will work out in the greatness of Gods plan?
What do I look forward to in the new year – being cured from the lymphoma, a baby of my own, getting back to clinical surgery and publishing some research while waiting, Tripti getting married, Anne into postgraduation, my new found friends all over the world with similar cancer getting better, there is so much to look towards, so much to plan and worry myself about. That is if I decided that my worrying about it would change the course of things that are already planned. I guess that’s where faith and hope come in and even though it is natural to worry about the future, I know that 2006 is going to be just perfect. It’s in Gods hands and safe there.
2005 has changed me in many ways and I am grateful for that – As I watched the sunrise today I could feel the hope that God gives us through different ways – today it was in the rays peeping through the trees and I know things are gonna be alright.
“And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball”
Simon & Garfunkle

10 comments:

kd said...

"I think the process of realizing that life can be thrown from being so predictable and comfortable to uncertain and at times frightening is a humbling experience."
Cant keep myself from agreeing.

2005 was the year that changed me forever too. It made me a survivor..

Hey Thanks for droping by and for the nice words. And wish you an incredible year ahead.

rachel said...

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.
Mathew 7:7

Rachel

Anonymous said...

Hey you actually look cool with the tonsured look.

md said...

Hi Tarun, my name is Mary and I am a friend of your aunt Lizzie in SIngapore. Our husbands are also good friends. I've been reading your entries and I am amazed by the fact that you see things so positively. I wonder what I will do if it were me. My husband had ca esophagus in 99, had an Ivor-Lewis cardioesophagectomy and has just passed his 6th year. We bless every November when his scope is clear. I remember meeting your mum in your aunt's house soon after his first surgery. My mother in law has breast cancer which has spread to the axillary nodes. She has just completed 14 of her 16 radiotherapy sessions. She is 90. Both of them are also amazing like you- they just carry on as though nothing has happened.

I will keep you in my prayers. God has probably big plans for you and Ann, so I am sure that He will make you well. Great that you got your Cochrane idea accepted. (I am a neonatologist, by the way) and I did want to do that as well (attended the course etc), but daily work just keeps getting in the way. Maybe in my next life ......

best wishes for 2006. When is the baby due?

mary

tarunst said...

Thanks all those who have written in with wishes for the new year. You are all such an encouragement to us
Baby Koby is due in April - sometimes I wish sooner, then I would have my every minute filled!

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Maya Cassis said...

I pray for you sincerely that you will get whatever you want in life

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