Saturday, December 31, 2005
Red rubber ball
Today is the last day of a year that has changed my life forever. It’s odd to think of what sort of a person I was when say, this year started to what I am today. It’s not just the new Yul Brenner look, or the steroid moon face - I know that I look at life differently now. I think the process of realizing that life can be thrown from being so predictable and comfortable to uncertain and at times frightening is a humbling experience. When 2005 came along, I was in control – (or so I thought) I was calculating how long I would take to finish our post graduations, which mutual funds Anne and I would invest in every month so we would have enough to buy maybe a car/ new computer during the next 2 years, what will we will need to equip ourselves as we went to mission hospital settings. There was a certainty in the planning. Not that I do not plan now too – but the fact is that I, who plan has changed.
What does 2006 hold? Should I dare to look into the crystal ball of my mind and conjure up what to hope for in the new year. Or will I only be reminded that ours is to live the journey in faith and that things will work out in the greatness of Gods plan?
What do I look forward to in the new year – being cured from the lymphoma, a baby of my own, getting back to clinical surgery and publishing some research while waiting, Tripti getting married, Anne into postgraduation, my new found friends all over the world with similar cancer getting better, there is so much to look towards, so much to plan and worry myself about. That is if I decided that my worrying about it would change the course of things that are already planned. I guess that’s where faith and hope come in and even though it is natural to worry about the future, I know that 2006 is going to be just perfect. It’s in Gods hands and safe there.
2005 has changed me in many ways and I am grateful for that – As I watched the sunrise today I could feel the hope that God gives us through different ways – today it was in the rays peeping through the trees and I know things are gonna be alright.
“And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball” Simon & Garfunkle