Saturday, January 07, 2006
What do you want?
As you look around this room tonight
Settle in your seat and dim the lights
Do you want my blood, do you want my tears
What do you want from me
Should I sing until I can't sing any more
Play these strings until my fingers are raw
You're so hard to pleaseWhat do you want from me
You can own everything you see
Sell your soul for complete control Is that really what you need
You can lose yourself this night
See inside there is nothing to hide
Turn and face the light-Pink Floyd
Picture of Anne & me just before the exams last year !
I was thinking about Anne and Tripti going in for Post grad enterance exams today. What would I want? Naturally for them to get in this year. Anne was first on the waiting list (O.G) last year, and that was really hard for us to understand why. But in retrospect God had better plans, if she had got in – we realize she would not have been able to spend as much time with me over the last few months as she has been able to. Life would have been so different... It’s nice to have life planned out I guess. I like to have things planned, very clearly for the future. Have a 5 year plan so to speak. If I’m going to finish Chemo and radiation in the next 2 months I’m already planning when to join back, when I write my final surgery exams, when we leave to Orissa and so on. I don’t think planning your future is wrong, because even if your plans are off track – God gently pushes you onto the right path (sort of like a carom coin bouncing off another). Maybe the key is to make plans and then listen for the corrections.
I feel so much better today. Food has some taste, though the mouth feels like it’s been sandpapered. The jaw pain of Vincristine has started too, but that’s only when I chew. My fingers continue to feel numb, there are small blisters at the creases of my fingers (like the feeling after pulling on a tug of war rope).
6pm update -
Anne and Tripti are back. Both feel it was so-so. I feel the relief of the exam being over more than they seem to show it! ANy way it's in Gods hands now!
My Cochrane class was really good. I was able to concentrate and it was great to learn the theory behind what I have to plan for the protocol publication.
Picture of Anne and Tripti before leaving for the exam.